I know that you haven't always liked me because I am small and old-fashioned, but I feel that you have unjustly destroyed my essence, and it is only fair that you hear my complaints.
First, you took away my throne, then you gerry-rigged my tap. You allowed your husband to screw with my head because he thought I was too wasteful. You trash-talked about me behind my back, claiming that my choice to adorn myself in pink and blue was hideous, without recalling those colors were trendy! You knocked down walls and pitched pieces of me, and you didn't even have the consideration to do it yourself.
You assumed that you could do whatever you wanted to me, but I will no longer tolerate your abuse.
This letter serves as my official notice for termination of service. I will no longer provide you with a quiet solitude to relieve yourself. You will never again be able to bathe in my cast-iron heart. Because of your cruelty, I am joining the great community of salvagers. Future attempts to contact me will be futile.