Friday, July 12, 2019

Don't Drown in Duties


Some say the older one gets the more wisdom one acquires. While this may certainly be true, my personal belief is that the older one gets the more complexities life acquires.  The blissful ignorance of childhood dissipates with every class taken, appointment scheduled, relationship made, commitment committed.  For most, the more responsibilities we acquire, the more overwhelmed we feel.  No one wants to sink under the weight of necessary tasks, and it is for this reason that I purposely sought out ways to help decrease the suffocating effect of drowning in duties.

What did I discover?

Making a list of daily goals at night, and then consciously working on completing those goals the next day helps me accomplish more of the tasks that I need to complete.  I have always resisted this “list” activity as it seemingly adds pressure to my already tense mindset – as if the mere existence of a list was just another piece of evidence that I have too much sh** to do.  But I’ve been gulping water, sputtering and spitting, trying to tolerate the discomfort of my own pool of promises so much so that my forehead is about to submerge.  Assigned to try something (Thank you, Dominican of California “Teacher Self-Care: Managing Work & Life”), I decided to make a list of five goals each night that I would then work to complete the next day. I implemented another strategy to help prioritize my goals: I used what some call the Eisenhower Matrix to chart what tasks were important and/or urgent.  As I’m a teacher on summer break, there are few tasks that are particularly urgent (with the exception of appointments made), so none of my goals fell under both the Urgent and Important categories, which require a “must do immediately” approach. I expect this will change as soon as school starts again, but hopefully with my new insight, I’ll feel more motivated to complete those urgent and important tasks. The majority of my goals fell under the Important and Not Urgent category, which requires deciding when to do the task and scheduling it. My list was just that: a schedule of when I needed to do each task. Every day for a week, alongside the myriad of pop-up obligations required of a mother, I intentionally completed the tasks.  At the end of the day, I literally checked off the tasks on my calendar with a feeling of accomplishment that was unexpected. I felt like I had progressed. All of the little tasks that are necessary for a functioning house and for being a quality teacher add up, but when I chunked my huge duties in the form of daily small, manageable lists, I didn’t feel smothered; I felt satisfied.

Wednesday, March 11, 2015

Strolling on the sidewalk

Sun sparkling,
Snow slipping,
Mud making, 
Drips drying,
Geese (and girl) grumbling,
Squirrels skittering,
Cardinals crooning,
Trees trying,
Crocuses creeping,
Moms mothering,
Scents suggesting
Spring



Tuesday, March 10, 2015

Change

Change

It's difficult. 
Moving beyond the warmth 
And love
To another moment
Makes me sad.
These precious times 
I savor,
Yet they slide away 
Like the last bite
Of a sweet treat.

Perfection floats
Before my eyes.
Comfort drifts 
toward my ears.
I want to grab it,
Hold it,
Freeze it 
In time.
I don't want to
Let go.
No!

Heart-aching,
Eye-burning,
Wistful
Ruminations.

It's futile.
Everything 
Changes.




Sunday, March 8, 2015

Savor the moment

We stepped out into the 50 degree weather, and our daughter, snug in her car seat, lifted her chin to sniff the air and blinked against the bright sky.  She's been out during the 20 degree weather, swaddled, canopied, and protected from the elements.  Today was the first day that she could feel the breeze on her face, hear the birds chirping (albeit because she was awake and alert), and begin to understand the wonders of our world. 

As we headed around the neighborhood, my husband and I listened to the signs of spring and attempted to avoid puddles on the sidewalk. All the while, our daughter stared wide-eyed around her.  I don't know what she was looking at, the trees, the sky, the handle of the carrier... Whatever she saw, I appreciated her acknowledgement of the different environment.  

Even though she didn't have a hat on, and I was slightly concerned, we decided to take our normal route because it was darn nice out!  Snow piles were melting, trees were budding, and our daughter was silently contemplating the beauty of life (or so I imagined).  We wanted to savor the moment.

Saturday, March 7, 2015

Future adventures

Today we took our daughter to her first ice hockey game. She's nearly six weeks old, and we've tried to get her out and about even though she was born during a particularly cold and snowy winter.  Most of the time we take her out to eat, and she sleeps through the meal. She seems to like the ambient noise of restaurants. The hockey game was the next step in increasing her comfort outside of the house.  

Because she had several decent naps today, I feared allowing her to sleep through the whole game. That much sleep might prevent her from actually sleeping well at night. So we woke her up before the game, and I fed her, then we headed in. The lights, the band, the fans...all were new and fascinating to our daughter. As I held her in my arms, she looked around with an alertness that has been building each day. It was difficult for me to watch the players because I enjoyed watching her ponder the world around her.  

Of course, it was fun to go to the game, but even more, I liked having our daughter with us, absorbing all that she could.  I'm sure we will take her to many more events that she will find entertaining.  But I can't help but thinking that her adventures will be much more fabulous for her father and me. 

Friday, March 6, 2015

Honoring Pinterest

Honoring Pinterest

Pinterest, you are the most useful of sources.
It is with great joy that I peruse your boards,
window-shopping,
searching far and wide
for recipes
to satiate my family's hunger,
for directions
to show how-to,
for products
to purchase and to give,
for photos
to illustrate the world past and present,
for humor
to entertain,
for lessons
to brainstorm,
for tips
to remain fit.

Pinterest, you are the most wonderful of sources.
It is because of you that I encounter the Internet,
learning,
growing mentally and physically
for my husband
to show my love,
for my daughter
to raise her well,
for my parents
to give appreciation,
for my friends
to share a laugh,
for my students
to instruct,
for myself
to be a better person.




Thursday, March 5, 2015

Classic literature for babies

There are times when I encounter products or ideas that I wish I had created.  This summer, I found children books by Jennifer Adams that are based on classic literature. What a great idea!  I purchased one based on The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn (because I teach the novel in my class), and I just loved it.  The book actually includes quotations from the book while being suitable for a baby.  It offers"camping" terms like raft and river that help youngsters learn new terminology.  More importantly, it introduces a classic American novel.  To me, this is invaluable. We went to the bookstore today and purchased two new literature-based books, one based on Romeo and Juliet and another based on The Wizard of  Oz. I'm so excited to read them to my daughter!

When I was young, I played a card game called "Authors" that used various classic authors from Europe and America.  When I read literature, I often recall the time I spent playing the game with my parents.  I want my daughter to encounter the names of authors and titles that epitomize great literature, and Adams's books help to do this.  Right now she is weeks old, so I know she isn't absorbing much that I read to her, but I know that she will eventually learn to love the books like I loved the card game.   Even more importantly, I hope that when she is older, she will love the time we spent together reading the books.

Wednesday, March 4, 2015

A Thank You Note

Dear A,

I had a dream about you today.  Though the plot was pretty nonsensical, so many details were from my memories of our time together.  I enjoyed the dream because of those details.

Because we haven't spoken in a long time, you probably don't know that I am married to a wonderful man.  He is smart and funny and kind.  It took me a long time, but I finally found someone who completes my life.

We recently had a daughter. She is a healthy, precious infant, yet I'm totally freaked out about motherhood. There are so many things that could go wrong!  I want everything to be perfect even though I know that is ridiculous.  Nothing can be perfect, and I try to tell myself that, but still...

I want you to know that I truly cherished our friendship.  Not only did I have fun with you, but I also learned from you.  I don't think I ever shared with you how much of an impact you had on me.  I will always appreciate the times we shared.

I hope that all is well with you.

J

Tuesday, March 3, 2015

Belly laughs

One of my favorite feelings is a really good laugh. The kind of laugh that makes my cheeks sore and my eyes flood with tears.  This kind of laugh is rare; it happens maybe once every couple of months if I'm lucky.  But, oh, when it happens, the sensation of joy is overwhelming.  It's as if my mind has been tickled.

Today, my husband and I had one of these laughs.  We were leaving our favorite Mexican restaurant, and he made a comment that was hilarious in a variety of ways. We stood there crumbling with laughter as the other patrons of the establishment glanced sidelong at us.

In the blissful moments after our laugh, I silently appreciated the good belly laugh and the man who can make one happen. 

Monday, March 2, 2015

Control

I like to be in control.  I don't mean in control of other people though my profession certainly affords many opportunities to be in control of others.  I mean that I like to know what I'm doing and to do it well.  I like to be in control of the situation. Of course, this only comes with practice and hard work. And I cannot always be in control.  I cannot be perfect all the time. I know this, but I still find myself frustrated when I don't have control. 

It is only logical that one might struggle in a new situation; I get that.  Yet here I am, a new mother, discomforted by my lack of control dealing with my infant daughter. Everything I do not know makes me anxious and afraid. The diaper rash, the umbilical hernia, the spit up, the pacifier, the furrowed brow, the grumbly noises, the list is endless.   Am I holding her enough? Am I holding her too much? Should I talk to her more?  Is she content? How can I know?  What should I do? The questions keep accumulating, and my feelings of control keep diminishing. 

Logic reminds me that I'm a novice, unpracticed and ignorant.  But my heart yearns to know for certain, to be the best, to control the situation. 

Sunday, March 1, 2015

Previous uncertainties

This post was inspired by another Slicer, Tara Reed, in her post "Nerves and Reflection."

On Tara Reed's blog, she wrote about the uncertainty of taking part in the Slice of Life challenge.  She explained that she felt bombarded with doubt about blogging as it is a new endeavor for her.  As I read her post, I thought about the doubt and uncertainty I am feeling about my newest challenge...motherhood.  There have been numerous occasions when I have felt the discomfort of the unknown, and motherhood may perhaps be my biggest challenge I have encountered. To remind myself that I should take on challenges instead of avoid them, below I recall a moment when my confidence faltered.

Though I'm sure there are many other moments previous to this, one experience that stands out in my mind as a time when I was challenged was when I was a cheerleader in high school.  Cheerleading, at that time, was beginning to revolve around tumbling, but it wasn't quite as imperative to have gymnastic ability as it is now. My cheerleading coach wanted me to be able to do a back handspring without a spot, and, to be honest, I was perfectly capable of doing the back handspring.  However, my mind was full of doubt and uncertainty.  Even though I was strong and healthy and able to do the back handspring with her standing beside me while her hand was merely touching my back, I could not convince myself to do the skill alone.  I can vividly recall standing on the mat with my coach standing near saying that no one could leave practice until I did five back handsprings by myself.  I don't recall the outcome of that threat, but I'm pretty sure I could have stood there all night.

I never did do the back handspring by myself; I was too riddled with self-doubt.  I couldn't conquer my fear.  Because of this, I didn't make the "best" cheerleading squad the next year, but instead I had to settle for second-best, cheering for our 0-6 football team. My experience was still fun, but it was nothing compared to cheering for the fast-paced (winning) basketball team. Even now, I occasionally have dreams about back handsprings, making the cheerleading squad, or not, and the feelings that I felt as a sophomore in high school.

What did I learn from my experience? My mind is a powerful motivator.  If I want to do something, I have to convince myself that it is worthwhile. The advantages of doing the back handspring were not enough to persuade me to flip backward.

Fortunately, my challenges after high school were far less physically dangerous. As a teacher, I take on challenges all the time. I pursue innovative activities so that my students will enjoy and learn in my classroom. I'm aware that my lessons may fail, but trying new strategies in the classroom is the only way to improve.

With this realization, my fears about motherhood should be squelched.  Being a mom is completely new to me.  I'm uncertain about nearly everything that revolves around my child. But, if I apply what I've learned in the past, taking on such a large challenge can only bring improvements to my life.


Monday, March 31, 2014

Slice of Life - Day 31

I was a little stuck on what to write today, so I used a random word generator, then I wrote a story using the words that came up.

wax
offend 
nimble
planet
frighten 
narrow
pipe
execute

The day waxed, but Jim continued on his journey.  The danger didn't frighten him because he was prepared to execute his duty through.  

He squeezed through a narrow pipe as nimbly as his six-foot tall body would allow.  The stench of sulfur didn't offend him. The pipe was dripping with a black slimy substance, and it covered his clothing as he belly-crawled through the narrow passageway.  

All of the sudden a glow appeared in front of him. Yellow light became stronger and brighter until Jim could hardly keep moving forward with open eyes.  Still, he squinted and continued his task.  

Finally, he arrived at the end of the pipe. Amazed, he gasped with awe as he peered over the edge.  Jim could hardly contain his excitement as he squirmed his way back through the pipe. 

A crowd of people waited impatiently for Jim's news.  As his feet appeared then his calves, they held their breath eager to hear his words.  

Jim stood stiffly up and turned around.  His face was covered with soot, but his eyes shined brightly. The concourse stared expectantly as a smile slowly spread across his face.

"It's a planet!" 

Sunday, March 30, 2014

Slice of Life - Day 30

 Confidence

Strive to be what everyone else is.
Wear the same shoes,
the same style of jeans.
Grow your bangs out.
Hang out with the "cool" kids.

Leave behind what everyone else is.
Wear what you want
when you want.
No make-up,
wet hair.
Connect with some,
Forget the others.

No more obsession with looks.
No more desireable cliques.
Still, the same discomfort arises.




Saturday, March 29, 2014

Slice of Life - Day 29

Since when did airline give flight attendants permission to make snarky remarks during announcements? 
The pre-flight instructions that are usually bland and routine were loaded with jokes and puns. "If you don't like our service, there are six exits located throughout the plane." "When traveling with a child, our your mask on first. If you are traveling with two children, choose the one with the most potential."
 People chuckled in response, and it grabbed my attention more than any other previous instructions ever have. There was definite flavor in its informality, but I'm not sure what the goal was, and whether it was completely appropriate. Regardless, the wit was present in both of my flights today. It was an interesting approach to an otherwise banal commentary. I guess it was a unique approach. And as the flight attendant claimed when we were preparing to get baggage from the overhead bins, "shift happens."

Friday, March 28, 2014

Slice of Life - Day 28

A bright blue sky soars above the snow-covered mountain. The sun is out, and only slight wisps of cloud dot the horizon. Towering evergreens form a maze of pathways that travel down the mountain. Chairlifts creep slowly, silently straight up, up, up. Colorful dots glide gracefully from one side of the slope to the other. Amidst the deep greenery, swishing sounds cut crisply through the cool air. Though the land is ripe for animals, few frolick about - too many unknown dangers for all but the intrepid and the famished. The flitting birds prove their presence, albeit unseen. How could they not be? This beauty only nature provides is their home. It is the snow bunnies who are misplaced. 

Thursday, March 27, 2014

Slice of Life - Day 27

A bad habit of mine is neglecting to correspond with people who send correspondence my way.  The correspondence I'm referring to has nothing to do with day-to-day communications.  I'm very prompt in my email correspondence for work.  What I struggle with is corresponding with people who are not actively present in my life.  
I'm not sure why this is the case.  I know that it is rude and probably gives people the feeling that I don't value them. So why can't I write a quick letter or place a simple phone call?  There always seems to be something that I "need" to do.  Why don't I make the correspondence a priority? I want my extended family to know they are in my heart and mind, yet I don't view correspondence with them as a necessity.  
This needs to change. I need to make more effort to communicate with family and friends. This is my official vow.  I will show the people who are in my life but not IN my life that they are important to me by writing them or calling them.  I will make the communication a priority in my life. 

Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Slice of Life - Day 26

What is my religion?

Christianity.
Immediate response.

Or,
"A set of beliefs 
concerning 
cause,
nature,
purpose 
of the universe"

Okay.
Existence.
Evolution.
Reproduction.
Why?
Movement forward.
To what? 
The end.
For what?
Betterment.
Why?
Evolution.

And
"Something 
one believes
in and 
follows
devotedly"

Okay.
Love.
Why?
Feelings.
Fitness.
Why?
Health.
Learning.
Why?
Curiosity.

Yet,
"A matter
of ethics
or conscience"

Okay.
Kindness.
Why?
Love.
Honesty.
Why?
Comfort.
Diligence.
Why?
Development.

So,
what?




Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Slice of Life - Day 25

What would I do without Pinterest?

Sitting at the dinner table today eating our quinoa pizza bites and zuchini slice pizzas, I asked my husband, "What would we do without Pinterest?" Many of the meals that we eat are from my perusal of pins on Pinterst, and I couldn't imagine what we would eat if we didn't have my "food" board. 
"We'd go to the library and get recipe books."
What?! 
Though I am definitely old enough to remember life without the Internet, the convenience of Pinterest makes all other options seem ridiculous. 
I'd have to search through books, often without pictures, to find one or two recipes that we may like.  I'd have to photocopy the recipes or write them down.  When we wanted a variation in our dinner plans, I'd have to sift through sheets of paper to find a desirable dish.  Ugh. That seems like such a hassle.  
With Pinterest I have my collection of recipes that I've found over the course of a causal browsing experience. When we are making our grocery list, I search through my board to see what looks tasty.  If the picture catches my eye, I'll check out the recipe, find out the ingredients, and add them to the list. Dinner time comes, and I set my iPad on the counter and get to work! Easy as Chobani pancakes!
It really isn't that much different than having a collection of recipes, but the diversity of my collection is amazing. I have found recipes that we love, recipes we never would have thought of or found in a book.   It is truly pinspirational!

Monday, March 24, 2014

Slice of Life - Day 24

I am exasperated by grades. Students and parents alike are so obsessed with grades that grading is...uncomfortable. I am a passive person. I hate conflict, and I do not want people to be displeased. I want people to be happy, but grades make people unhappy.  
I feel like no matter how much thought I put into making a good and fair assignment, there is always someone who is displeased. Even if I give a clear indication of how the assignment will be assessed by giving students a rubric in advance, students still complain when they don't get a "good enough" grade. An A is what they want, but they don't really want to put forth the effort and thought that it takes to earn an A. 
This is upsetting for two reasons. As previously stated, I detest conflicts even it if is with people whose brains aren't fully developed yet. More detrimental to society, though, is the fact that students don't want to learn, they just want to earn. "How many points is this worth?" "Can I have extra credit?" It seems like so many students are doing the work simply because they have to in order to get the points.  There is no curiosity, no desire to learn for learning's sake. 
As I typed that last sentence, I had my adolescent self in my mind. Did I go to school to learn? Or did I go because that is what was expected of me? I'm sure that I wasn't very interested in much of what my high school had to offer. I was self-absorbed and concerned with my social life. I liked reading, and I enjoyed my English classes, but I'm not sure that my motivation for attending school was to expand my mind and encounter novel and diverse ideas. 
Okay. Perhaps the end of our society as we know it isn't nearing because my students don't appreciate reading Huck Finn.  Perhaps society is continuing as it always has with egocentric teens who eventually develop into English teachers who desperately want their students to love what they love. 

Sunday, March 23, 2014

Slice of Life - Day 23

Breathe. Breathe in deeply as if trying to calm the heart and the mind. Exhale slowly, pushing out the air at an even pace, feeling the rush of breath leave the body. Breathe. Feel every part of the body relax. The toes, the heels, the ankles all vibrate with the energy of life. Feel the calves, the knees, and the thighs as they tingle slightly. Focus thoughts on the nerves sending signs of existence to the abdominals, the back, the arms, and the fingers. Lastly, feel the neck, the jaw, the forehead, the hair release in tranquility. Breathe in, letting all bodily sensations surround and prevent externalities from disrupting the halcyon mindset. Breathe.